Why won't they let me have more title space?
by Graq the Wild Child
Summary: Harold is having some strange thoughts, Lila is plotting revenge, Rhonda is growing closer to depression, and Brainy is on a quest to uncover the origins of the mysterious Gloria! All this and more in an inverse shipper story!
1. "Isn't Fourth Grade Dandy?"

Okay, the real title is:  
  
Why you should never watch Hey Harold, Egg Story, and Buses, Bikes, and Subways in successive repetition  
  
OR  
  
....... the World's Most Messed up Hey Arnold fic!  
  
Disclaimer: Do I own Hey Arnold? Is this plagiarism? No. It is only a piece of fan work. Whew! Now I can write!  
  
Authors notes: I promised I'd write something while I was in Missouri, and here it is. Definitely not what I was expecting to write. Because when I became a fan fiction writer I swore never to write a "Let's hook 'em up story!", but it seems, I have. However, there are no Helga and Arnold scenes, or Gerald and Phoebe scenes. Instead, I focus on…………. Everybody else!  
  
WAIT A SECOND! You were about to read the story weren't you? Before that, you better understand that this entire story is sarcastic. I only mean parts of it. And every Harold and Patty shipper on the planet is going to kill me… wait, that means I have to kill me! Uh-oh. After you've read this, tell me not how I can make it better, but how I can make it worse.   
  
Chapter One. "Isn't Fourth Grade Dandy?"  
  
*"I think I love you!" Elbow to chest. "Get away from me you big whale!"* Harold pondered this as he repetitively chewed his slightly too moist bologna (kosher variety, of course) and cheddar on rye sandwich. Why had he said that? At first it seemed he was just so relieved that she had saved his life; thusly he told Helga that he loved her. But after some serious and introspective contemplation, he discovered there was something else. A little something that kept nagging and nagging at him… much like his mother's cries of "Jerry!" during one of his parent's dinner time 'discussions'. "Is something wrong Harold?" "Huh?" He looked up from his food to see Patty sitting across the table from him. Oh, right. They were eating lunch together that day. The something had distracted him for a minute. Stupid something!  
  
Rhonda, although aware of her table companions Nadine, Lila, Park, and Peapod Kid, was also distracted by a something. A small ex-egg something. She had accidentally left Courtney on her dresser, out in open, exposed. What if her maid threw it out? Or worse, what if her parents found it? She could just imagine their reaction when she said "The taped up egg shell? Her name is Courtney. I'm keeping her as a memento of a school project I did with the boy I secretly have a crush on. Think of her as Harold and my baby. Say hello to grandpa and grandma Courtney!" She gazed at the eggshell's 'father', sitting with Rhonda's fellow polishing school alumna Patty. If she wasn't so worried about the fate of her 'child', her thoughts might have turned to the sleepover she was having with Patty that Saturday.  
  
Brainy, Lord of Wheezing and 'Uh, something." was for once not looking for Helga. He was investigating an enigma that had arisen to his awareness. Gloria. Who was she? The asthmatic boy did not know, but he sure she was some how connected to Helga. He felt it was his honor-bound duty as her stalker to uncover any and all threats to his beloved's well being. He saw the mysterious girl slink around a corner and out of his line of vision. Oh, she was a quick one, that doppelganger. Brainy called upon all his sacred stalker powers in order to keep up.  
  
Lila smiled as Nadine chatted with Peapod. It was good to a nice, normal friendship go on outside of the usual weirdness of PS118 relationships. Well, maybe they weren't so weird. But quite a few, like the unrequited love Helga held for Arnold, the near servant/master friendship Phoebe had with Helga, Curly's distrust of everyone, and now that she saw just who exactly was Rhonda was staring at, apparently Rhonda's seeming attraction to Harold. Lila, not wanting to pry into that strange idea, looked over at Helga and Phoebe's table. Phoebe wasn't paying full attention to whatever Helga was saying, being preoccupied listening to Gerald tell a story at the boy's table. Lila wondered what the girl in pink was ranting about. "… first Brainy, then Stinky, and even that freak Arnie…" ARNIE!? SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT ARNIE? "… and Harold grabs me and tells me he's in love! Why me Pheebs? Why do so many idiot males fall for me?" Phoebe responded with her usual level headed hypothesis and advice, but Lila didn't give a flying freak. ARNIE?!? HELGA WAS THE ONE WHO STOLE HEER ARNIE!?! Oh, she was gonna pay. WITH BLOOD!!!  
  
Robert ate some strawberry yogurt. Then he froze in place. After all, he was an extra. And extras were only allowed to move in the background on special occasions. He wondered which character was the camera's focus at the moment. But he couldn't turn his head to see, not unless he wanted to (oh horror of horrors) steal the focus away from the character. It was so tempting to move… he tried, and was teleported to another area of the cafeteria, carrying a tray. *I wish they hadn't done that. I mean, there I was, sitting. The viewpoint changes, and suddenly I was in a whole 'nother spot. Oh well. At least I get lines. Sometimes…*  
  
Next time… It's Rhonda and Patty's sleepover! What happens when Harold is brought up? And Brainy draws closer to discovering Gloria's secret identity! And what evil plots of revenge (and displaced body parts) are being concocted by Lila? Will Harold come to understand that nagging little something All this in Chapter Two….  
  
"Friends or Foes? When Young-Sophisticate-After-School-Polishing-Academy-For-Boys-and-Girls-graduates go head to head!" 


	2. Friends or Foes?

W=wheeze  
  
Brainy had finally cornered her. It was the moment of truth. "So," began Gloria, "You're Brainy, the wheezing one." She was beautiful… beautiful because she reminded him of Helga. But why? "Uh, yeah." She smiled at him. "What do you want to know?" He choose his words carefully. "Um, who W are you?" "Who am I? That's difficult to answer. But maybe you, yes, you would understand." A pink aura manifested around her. It seemed to breach the very fabric of time and space. "I was created by Helga's subconscious. I represent her latent feminity and sensitivity. I am what she could have been if it were not for her negligent parents and early ridicule from her peers." Brainy pored over this is his mind. She was Helga? No, rather, the potential of Helga. Things began to come together in his mind. But one thing was still amiss. He made it his business to know everything about his rivals for Helga's affections. One of them had been in connection with Gloria for a time. But that liason had fallen through apparently. "W What happened to uh W, Stinky?" She smirked demurely. "Why don't you ask him yourself?" With a flash of various shades of pink, she was gone.  
  
Lila ripped a random stuffed animal in half, scowling with all her hatred. She didn't notice the "Hencho en Mexico" tag lying at her feet. How to deal with Helga? Perhaps catapulting the contents of the lunchroom trashcan onto her… no. Too unoriginal. Locking her in a closet with an armed Curly? No, too difficult to arrange. "Hmph," she said to herself, "If only I weren't such a nice girl… then I'd be able to come up with an oh-so evil plot to ruin her. I'm ever-so certain I don't know what-ever I shall do to get my revenge on that oh-so nasty censored." Then the obvious struck her, much like that baseball that had struck her now-hated enemy only a week or so ago. "It would be just ever-so cruel…" Lila said with mock horror, "If I let it slip that I know Helga's deepest darkest secret…"   
  
Harold Burman was doing some serious soul searching in his room. He was also not eating (very serious soul searching indeed). Chocolate Numnum?* He had offered them so freely… Why not? It was the least he could do after all she had done for him. Actually, the least he could have done was absolutely nothing, but that wouldn't have been very grateful. "Mmm… chocolate numnums…" Harold had a stirring revelation. "I'm hungry!" Mental elbow to chest. "No, this is no time for food. I have to figure this something out." The hug, the words, the numnums… it all formed a pattern. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
Note: This sleepover scene is very OoC and cheesy. You have been warned  
  
The girls settled into their sleeping bags. "… and I drew Harold's name. 'Great, I got Harold.' And then the big dope says(in mocking boyish voice) 'Com'n Rhonda, you know you like me.'" She stopped when she saw Patty's face go slightly pale. "Something wrong Patty?" "Nothing, it's just, nevermind. Go on." When the fashion queen was done telling her egg story, Patty began to laugh. "Did Harold ever tell you about us?" The Lloyd blinked. "Us? What do you mean?" "We're," Patty said shyly, "Going out." "Oh. That's nice." Rhonda's world shattered. "I'm sure you make a really cute couple." The practiced saccharine that had been drilled into from a life of formality and social conditioning didn't fool her friend for a minute. "Rhonda, you can say it. I won't get mad." "I can't imagine what you're insinuating." she lied. Patty gave her a look that said I'm-getting-tired-of-such-obvious-denial-so-just-come-out-with-it-already. "If you mean to say that I like Harold, and I'm feeling envious of you right now or something… well that's just absurd." The Smith girl sighed. Another lame RWL ramble. "… I mean Harold's an okay boy and everything, but frankly, he's really not my type. I mean we have nothing in common!" "Rhonda…" Too late to stop her now.   
  
"What sense would it make if I secretly harbored emotions for him… it would never work out. I'm Rhonda Wellington Lloyd, the most popular, sophisticated and fashionable girl in the school! And he's Harold Burman, the fat obnoxious bully that giggles like a school girl…" During all this emotional exertion Rhonda had been drawing closer to the fetal position, and was on the verge of tears. "Oh, what's wrong with me Patty? Why do I feel this way about him?? It makes no sense at all." She immediately reprimanded herself. "Oh my goodness I'm so sorry Patty!" "It's okay, just calm down…" The black haired girl was near hysteria, too far gone for her friend to reach her. "First I insult your boyfriend, and then I go on and on about my crush on him… please slap me." "What???" Rhonda looked positively fierce. "You heard me! Come on Big Patty, slap some sense into me! Hard!" Patty pinned Rhonda's arms to her side. "You're acting crazy. Take some deep breaths, breathe, good. Do you feel better now?" "A little," sniffed the fourth grader. "But I'm so confused. Why?" "No one can help the way they feel. It'll be okay in the end." Rhonda wanted to believe her, but could see no way for this love triangle to be solved.  
  
In Chapter Three, "One More Question, One Less Answer", Brainy and Helga go to Stinky with some important inquiries. Lila's threat backfires dangerously, far more dangerously than she would ever have predicted. Rhonda is forced to deal with a lunatic and a hat-on-backwards-little-twerp from her past, while Harold makes his true feelings known. Will Patty be able to handle it all? Stay tuned friend, stay tuned. 


	3. One More Question, One Less Answer

Author's Notes: This is the intact Missouri version of Chapter Three. It'll probably get tweaked. This won't matter until later, but I'm pretty damn sure Harold doesn't take the bus home.   
  
That Monday:  
  
Brainy approached Helga in the cafeteria. FROM THE FRONT. "What now?" She sighed. Although it took him a while, what he said if you filtered out the wheezing was "There's a certain mystery it would befit you to look into. If you will allow me to join you temporarily?" Helga did a blinky (you know, a blink take). That was more than she had heard from the boy in her entire life. "Uh, sure." *Great, now he's talking like Phoebe and I'm talking like him.* He whispered to her "I trust you remember Gloria? Don't you find it odd that our peer Stinky seems to no longer be associated with her?" She nodded, understanding the subtle undertones of jealousy in his labored voice. Stinky had been her hired 'boyfriend' for a time, whereas Brainy had been beaten almost everyday of his life by her hand since they were three. "Since Stinky and I are not really on speaking terms, I thought perhaps you could ask him for me?" Helga considered. It would probably take the poor geek twenty five minutes to finish the whole question. "It IS kind of strange. Now normally I wouldn't bother with something as trivial as this. But since you were decent enough not to sneak up on me this time, I'll do you a favor and ask him." Brainy just barely stopped himself from fainting. *She talked to me! She willingly talked to me!* Helga went right up to Stinky and cut to the chase. "How ya doing Stinko?…" He opened his mouth to reply, but she kept on talking. "So whatever happened to that skirt you were so goofy over, Gloria?" "Gloria? I don't recall ever knowing a girl by that name." She scrutinized his expression. A face that blank couldn't be lying. He honestly didn't remember her.  
  
Rhonda passed Patty in the hallway. "Hey Rhonda." They both stopped. "Hello Patty. Look," She adopted that air of snobbishness that she so often used to detach herself from things. "About Saturday night, that's strictly between us, right?" "Right." Patty felt a little defensive. *Why would I tell? It'd be almost as big a pain for me if someone found out. It's like the fact that I love Harold too does not compute with her.* "Well, see you later." "Adieu!" The older girl watched as the 'Princess' made her way down the corridor. "I hope she gets over it. Soon."   
  
Back on the night before Monday He drifted into yet another dream. Thaddeus found himself standing in a field, gazing at scarlet sunset. He was wearing robes that, had he been Phoebe, he would have recognized as the traditional outfit of a kendoist. Curly raised his wooden sword and shouted "Oh how I long for both the affections of Rhonda and the pigtailed girl! But alas, I cannot choose between them." Suddenly he snapped awake. "How bizarre. I wonder what it meant?" Then he rubbed his lips together. Ah yes, Rhonda. But what the heck had his subconscious been doing sending him to Japan? *I dunno.* And he never thought of it again. Really, that dream and its contents are not going to brought up again. EVER.   
  
Lila stepped into class with an expression of innocent cheerfulness. She picked 'at random' to sit beside Helga. She had been dropping ever-so slight hints that she was going to let the Pataki girl's secret out. But for some reason, the little threats had gone right over her head. True, she hadn't said anything except "Good morning Helga," but come on. Was she being that vague? Now was the time, thought Lila, now was it. "I'm ever-so certain I have a bit of information about you…" Brainy, who was sitting behind them, took action. He muttered a few strange words, and Lila's father came into the classroom. "Mr. Soya, what brings you here?" asked a surprised Mr. Simmons. "I'm sorry to barge in like this, but I have to go on an emergency business trip. I'm taking Lila with me because I don't know anyone in the city who could look after her while I'm gone." Helga and Lila were both amazed. How in the heck did this particular event occur at such a perfect/disastrous time? "I've already checked with Principal Wartz. He says as long as she makes up the work she misses, it okay." "Well, if you have the Principal's permission. Have a pleasant and special trip!" Lila's father motioned for her to hurry. "Come on sweety, the Greyhound bus leaves soon." Lila put on a mask of happiness, but was seething inwardly. Now she would have to wait for three days to get her revenge on that accursed Helga. Brainy grinned. One less enemy for Helga to worry about.  
  
He stopped her just outside of school. "Hey Helga!" She groaned. What did Harold want with her? Rhonda and Patty were just then walking in from the opposite direction. Rhonda saw what was happening and pulled Patty aside. "Shh! They're up to something." The older girl frowned. "It's not nice to eavesdrop." The younger girl just rolled her eyes. "Does it look like I care?" "What is it Pink Boy? I haven't got all day." The boy was growing nervous. "I just wanted to say that, that, you know what I said the other day after you saved me?" "Yeah? Spit it out!" "I think I really meant it." Helga's brow shock up in shock. "You can't be serious." He looked hurt. "What makes you say that? Of course I'm serious!" Helga slunk away to the bus that had just arrived rather than cause an even bigger and embarrassing scene. Rhonda stepped forward. "I don't believe it!" Patty felt blank. She had no clue what had just been discussed between Harold and Helga. In fact, Harold had never mentioned having his life saved by her. "He can't have a crush on Helga!" Rhonda continued. Then she remembered, she took the bus too. "I'm going to get to the bottom of this!" Sid was just ahead of her in line to pay. "Is something wrong Rhonda?" "Be quiet shrimp." she snapped.   
  
This is where I stopped writing in Missouri.   
  
In chapter four "Lila's Righteous Charge!", see what happens when a woman scorned meets her beloved's current squeeze (i.e., Lila, meet Lulu). Helga joins Brainy in the search for Gloria's origins, and at the same time attempts to avoid the attentions of Harold. Patty reverts to true bully mode, and Rhonda's admirers (you know, Thaddeus and "shrimp"?) secretly fight for the right to be her sympathetic ear. Where in heck are Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe anyway? Will they ever get involved in this story? Of course not!  
  
Extra: If you would like to see Curly as Tatewaki Kunou, visit my site. http://www.geocities.com/graqtwcgau/HA.html Writing this I really I've been neglected THE most overlooked of all Hey Arnold couples… Eugene and Sheena! I have no clue what to do with them, but they gotta be in here cuz' I said it was about EVERYBODY else. Maybe chapter five or something', I dunno. 


	4. Lila's Righteous Charge!

Author's Notes: You asked for it, and you got it. MORE LILA!!! Sorry there are no new Brainy and Helga scenes. Next time though!  
  
Warning: This chapter is rated PG-13 for gratuitous violence and crude language.   
  
Lila sighed looking out over the endless fields of corn. This country town was so much like her hometown. She wandered absentmindedly toward a large blue house close by. Suddenly her jaw dropped. There was her beloved Arnie! And... herself?!? Lila rushed into to ascertain watch she was seeing. Yes, that was definitely Arnie... but the girl wasn't Lila. She was like some, some, whore version of her. A tied up shirt, a tight mini, and some veeeeeeery kinky looking boots. The whore planted one on Arnie's lips and began to walk away from his house.   
  
After Lila got over the shock of this new development, she took action. She ran back to the road and grabbed an item, then laid in ambush in the cornfields. The harlot walked past, and Lila pounced! WHACK! With a swing of the signpost, the bitch was knocked unconscious. The girl smiled in triumph. "That'll teach you to move in on my property, you oh-so promiscuous trollop." She marched off feeling self satisfied, and fell flat on her face. "Ah!" One of the whore's pointed boots had hooked under her ankle. "Who said anything about Arnie being yours?" Lila pulled herself up, holding the sign like an axe. "Who are you anyway?" Asked the trollop. She swung the hefty weapon. "I am the ever-so vengeful Lila!" Her enemy ducked the attack and hooked under with another kick. Lila easily blocked it with the post. "Who are you, you oh-so nasty manthief??" "Lulu, and I'm ever-so certain Arnie would never go for an oh-too ugly pansy like you." Lulu picked up a piece of rope and whipped in her opponent's direction. With whip and sign they chased each other down the country road.   
  
Lila glanced to her right. There was a pond and a wheelbarrow. It was obvious what she had to do. "Die slut!" With a swing of the wooden implement of destruction she knocked Lulu into the wheelbarrow... Wahaha! Not to be finished until Chapter Five!   
  
Rhonda was distraught, spiritually berept, down in the dumps, yada yada depressed. Helga was innocent of flirting with him to be sure, but Harold had indeed confessed affection for her. It was enough to distract her. Nadine had been drilling her with questions, but had gotten nothing but excuses and brush offs. Curly took all this as an opportunity to move in. During lunch (Hell, almost everything in this story happens at lunch) he made a beeline for her table. But there was one obstacle. "What do you think you're doing?" Sid stood firm in his path. "I'm going to give Rhonda a sympathetic ear. Then she'll warm up to me, and we'll elope to Burning Man in Nevada! You will not interfere with my plans hotdog boy!" Sid felt crazy taking on Curly like this, but come on? Was he really gonna let that psycho harass his er, friend? "Just watch me." Curly attempted to step around him, but the boy kept blocking his way. "Grr, you will not stop me!" Thaddeus shoved the smaller boy down. Then he fell flat on his face (Lulu's not the only one who trips people). Sid stood once again, brushing his jacket off.   
  
Harold stopped and waved to Patty in the hallway. "Hi Patty. I haven't seen you a few days." She brought her fist to within a few inches of his face. "Beat it jerk." "Huh?" She glared coldly at him. "You heard me, now get the he** away from me you two timing pig." Harold walked away confused. Why was she so mad? Oh no, had she seen him yesterday? ~ Patty didn't look where she was stepping and accidentally stepped on several extras' feet. "That's it!!" yelled the girl extra with the red afro. "That the last straw!" The black haired twins nodded. Robert and Park conferred in whispers. "It's time..."   
  
Curly and Sid arrived on the playground at 3:15, standard playground fight time. Curly opened his mouth to utter something challenging... "Now I will... hey!" He looked around him. Something was missing. "Where are all the extras?" Sid read over the list of classmates in his mind. Why weren't they there to watch it either? *Let's see... Stinky had to go home to help his father, Lila's on that trip, Rhonda's depressed and Nadine's trying to comfort her, Harold had some personal issues to work out, Sheena doesn't like violence and it's not Eugene's thing either, Lorenzo's still on that CEO schedule, Helga went off with Brainy for some reason, and Arnold, Gerald, Phoebe are... where the heck are they?* "This is so bogus!" shouted the stringy haired one. "We can't have a fight scene without a crowd!" "Curses!" "Thaddeus exclaimed. "I have been foiled. Now I'll have to wait for those idiots to show up before I can get my revenge on hotdog boy!"   
  
The child extras were holding an emergency meeting at Park's sanctuary. Robert led the discussion. "Ever since the show began we've been pushed around..." All present chorused in agreement. "... manipulated into doing their dirty work..." Iggy and Joey nodded remembering the time they were forced to fight in the pilot episode. "... used as fodder for bullies to torture..." Several of them grimaced in rage, thinking of all the times they had been the faceless victims of Helga, Wolfgang, Ludvig, and others. "... others of us ARE those bullies..." The fifth graders looked ready to cry and began sputtering out apologies. "It's okay. We know you only do it because you have to. Just as we all do." "Oh come off it 'Robert'," piped in the boy with a brown bowl cut and Harold shaped head. "You get lines, and you get mentioned in fanfics all the time." Others muttered in agreement. Peapod Kid began to look for an exit. If they thought Robert got too much fame, surely they'd want to kill him. "Park and Peapod don't even belong here! They're tertiary!" Mary yelled. "Shuttup, you got a good role in Helga vs Big Patty!" shouted Seymour. "But you got a big part in Spelling Bee!" Suddenly the room was a melee of arguments, with many wild accusations of "You're one of them!" Ever old grudge and jealous came to surface as Robert's plans of extra unity went down in flames.   
  
Chapter Five! ................ I have no idea.  



	5. Do a Little Dance

Author's Notes: This is just a lot of spur of the moment cunfuzzling stuff

Author's Notes: This is just a lot of spur of the moment cunfuzzling stuff. Like the rhyming in paragraph five. I didn't want to make them speak in rhyme, but they just sort of... did. Kind of like the character Juba Flubb in my story Fluxplane. He wasn't supposed to be a pimp, he just came out like that! I'm finally bringing in the "geek" couple. And who will win the battle of the redheads? Stay tuned...

Chapter Five Do A Little Dance

Lulu was knocked into a wheelbarrow by her good twin. Lila then shoved it over the edge into the pond with a rather nasty splarsh. After grabbing one of the two items in the partially submerged barrow, she lay underneath the water in wait for her opponent.Carefully Lila waded into the water to check on her. Was she good and KO'd? Suddenly a figure emerged behind her! Lulu hoisted her deadly implement of destruction with her right arm and with a great SWISH! beat Lila with her pond muck covered sponge! "Ahh!" It was so ooky as to be nauseating. Lila's wooden sign was dissolved by the acidic country fluids from Lulu's weapon. So the PS118 resident grabbed the nearest item... a trowel. She stabbed as her enemy flailed with the cleaning... (Ooh-kayee, this scene has gone on long enough. Bring in the love quadrangle!) They stopped at hearing Arnie's familiar snort. "Arnie!" They both looked in the direction the sound had come from. But what they saw was the last thing they ever expected... He was with ANOTHER (another, nother another if you've been paying attention) woman. It was some girl with blonde hair, pulled back into a ponytail. "Want to go for a swim Hilda?" "That sounds wonderful Arnie." Lila blinked. Helga, Lulu, Hilda... how many girls did that guy go through? In all seriousness she turned to the whore version of her. "You, know, I'm ever-so certain I never noticed before, but Arnie's oh-so such a... player."

It was the start of a new school day, three days after Lila had left. After much arduous searching, the wheezing one and the Pataki had found Gloria. Gloria found herself trapped in the school broom closet with Brainy and Helga looming over her. "Well well well, we meet again skirt." taunted Helga. "Well technically I'm wearing a dress… as are you." Gloria helpfully pointed out. "Don't try to change the subject!" The bully (you know, very few people refer to Helga as that. Just noticing!) paced in the incredibly tight but somehow not that tight space. She glared at her victim. "The subject is why Stinky doesn't remember you!" Brainy's wheezing began to take it toll on her nerves and she back fisted him on instinct. But for some reason, the blow missed. "Well, I'll tell you," Gloria said quietly. "But only if you're willing to put it in a separate paragraph as a monolog."And with that she began…

"You remember that dream you had after hitting your head into metal pole running away from Arnold's Magic Show? Well, my presence was to show you not that you being gone was a good thing to everyone, but rather that they were glad that you had left you bully side behind, and had become "Gloria", the good Helga. I was to show you the way to self-fulfillment. But I was forced on another mission for you when you accidentally got Stinky to fall for you. So I became an actual, physical person. We did go out, until I was no longer needed. There was a girl Stinky fit much better; Lila. So all memory of me was erased so he could admire her. That was when I became a background character. There were no more missions for me after that either. The problem was that you were a well developed character in the third season, so a one dimensional person like me had no business being your personification. The society of doppelgangers decided that Hilda would work better and gave the role to her. But just before the start of this fanfic I was given a mission… to find the one unscathed, perfect couple in the Hey Arnoldverse. I can't seem to find them, because it seems Lila interfered with them in the episode Eugene, Eugene." 

Brainy and Helga had no idea how to react. She had just gone completely off topic. The three stepped out of the closet the see a very depressed looking redhead (er, Lila IS a redhead… right? Right?L???). Brainy grabbed her and the four of them ended up back in the closet. "Alright country girl," began Helga, "Who's love life have you been meddling in now?" Lila moved her eyes around confusedly, utterly lost. "I'm ever so certain I don't know what you're talking about." Brainy wheezed with a severely angry look. "W Yes you do. W" Gloria put her hand on Lila's head. "Hmm... I see. So you don't have any feelings for Eugene." She was worried. "But in that case... why is Eugene and Sheena's relationship tarnished?" "ShippersW.." The three girls stared at him. "Uh...W.. the episode Eugene W Eugene... so there are Eugene and W Lila shippers..." He was happy to finally be getting some attention. All that online research sure helped! "And uh, some W people think he's, uh, gay..." "That's just sick!" all three girls said together. "He's most certainly not." added Lila. She received strange looks. "What?" Gloria dragged her by the wrist out to the playground. Eugene always came through there on his way to school. "It's time we cleared this whole thing up." 

The others watched as Lila approached the Jynx. Then they did a double take. Jynx? Since when was this a Pokemon fanfic?? But it became clear that it was no Jynx, but a jinx. Gloria had instructed her on what magic words to use to end the shippers. "Eugene? I don't like you like you, I just like you." "Well that's okay, because I feel the same way Lila. But um, could you possibly help me get my head out of this bicycle rack?" "Of course!" she said cheerfully. She tugged and tugged, but he wouldn't budge. "Hmm... I'm afraid your head is oh too wide. Perhaps you should turn it on its side?" After a few minutes the bell rang and everyone went inside except for Eugene. "Lila? Lila! Wait! I'm still stuck! @#$%!" 

Sid and Curly stared each other down from their desks. Rhonda had cheered up slightly, even though she didn't know why. (maybe it had something to do with the fact that Harold and Patty weren't talking, but eh, speculation) Stinky looked around him. What the heck was wrong with his classmates? Two looked murderous, one looked confused and heartbroken, another looked like she was recovering from some inexplicable depression, and yet another three were looking non-existent for some reason. Helga was deeply immersed in writing something (a battle plan to get Gloria back to her own world, in case you were wondering. NOT POETRY). Sheena was searching for something with her eyes, very alone seeming. Nadine was just sort of there, not really affecting anything. Brainy was fighting with himself mentally. Then it hit him... as Mr. Simmons began the lesson... it finally hit him. There were no extras! That must be why they were all upset! He decided to go in search of them after school. *Now who should I take with me?* he pondered. But his peers, suffering from all the afore mentioned afflictions, didn't seem in any condition to come. Then again... Lila! Lila wasn't looking angry, or depressed, or psychotic... wait a second, YES SHE DID LOOK LIKE ALL THOSE THINGS. Oh well then. 

Notes: I need some help figuring out what to do with Harold. After the initial jokes and references I'm drawing a blank. (Well, that story "My Last Wish" is great example of what NOT to do with Harold.) So what do y'all think I should do? Everyone else I've got figured out but him. 


End file.
